One of my favorite things about tennis is that while you think you’re learning how to hit a ball, the game shows you how you handle pressure, timing, frustration, control, and trust.

This week on You Are The Prize, we sat down with my (Alexis’s) tennis coach, Ray Chang, and talked about how the way we move on the court mirrors the way we move through life.

Here are five lessons from tennis that we can all probably use.

1. Don’t Chase the Ball

This is an especially hard one for me. I’m impatient. I want to hit every shot. Before Ray broke me of this habit, I was sprinting all over the court, swinging at balls that were never really mine.

But when a ball is yours, you don’t have to force it.

It’s the same off the court. We can sometimes exhaust ourselves chasing relationships, opportunities, timelines, or validation that pull us completely out of position. Those aren’t our balls. Let them go.

As Ray says: if it’s aligned, it’s easy.

2. Focus on Fundamentals

In tennis, it’s easy to obsess over outcomes. Did the ball go in? Did you win the point?

But sometimes you hit a beautiful shot with terrible form. Sometimes the right shot misses by an inch. That’s why fundamentals matter: footwork, timing, balance, structure.

The goal isn’t getting lucky once. The goal is building something repeatable that you can trust under pressure.

Life works the same way. Real success doesn’t come from random wins. It comes from knowing why something worked and having a foundation strong enough to return to when things get hard.

3. Real Power Isn’t Force

Most people think power comes from swinging harder. But the best players (not me!) aren’t muscling the ball. Their bodies are aligned enough for energy to move naturally through them.

A lot of us are trying to force our way through life when what we actually need is a solid structure. Because forcing something is exhausting. Real power comes from being grounded enough to move clearly, efficiently, and without fighting yourself.

4. Every Swing Counts

Most of us only feel successful when we get the point. But here’s a nice little reframe: the point isn’t the point! Ray thinks of every swing as a success because it teaches you something.

Every attempt gives you information. Every miss sharpens your instincts. Every failure prepares you for the next opportunity. You are not starting over each time. You’re better with every hit.

5. Nothing Matters

Ray’s mantra is “nothing matters.”

Ray isn’t a nihilist. He just knows that life is a lot more fun when we loosen up. When every shot feels loaded with meaning, you stop playing naturally because you’re terrified of getting it wrong.

But when nothing matters? You stop attaching your worth to every outcome.

The next point—or the next opportunity, job, relationship, etc—always comes. So you might as well enjoy yourself while you’re here.

Most of us experience our thoughts as fact. Not something we’re shaping, but a running commentary we accept as true and let color our world.

This week on the pod, we were joined by Alex’s therapist, Dr. Mark Tanabe. Dr. Mark is one of the greats because he helps people identify their narratives and question them. One of the things we got into was the importance of tending to your thought life.

Because the way you think isn’t neutral. It shapes how you interpret what’s happening. It determines whether your life feels like something you’re living or something that’s happening to you.

We hold onto narratives about who we are, what things mean, what’s possible. And over time, they start to feel fixed.

But they’re not.

When you begin to notice a thought instead of immediately believing it, something opens up. A little space. And inside that space is choice. You can choose how you respond, how much weight you give it, and whether you let it define the moment.

Mark put it simply: there’s pain in the past, anxiety in the future. But in the present, when you’re actually here (feeling it in your body, as we like to say), things are often… okay. Even good.

At the end of the episode, he asked us to pause. Listen to the birds chirping outside. Notice the light. Feel the breeze. And ask: is anything wrong with this moment?

Try it. It’s a small question. But it shifts everything.

There’s a version of “finding yourself” that looks very still. You’re journaling, meditating, trying to get your life right before you really start living it.

Then there’s the other version. That version is in motion. You’re in a dark room, the music is loud, and for a few minutes, you’re not performing or analyzing. You’re just moving to the beat.

We’ve been sold this idea that self-discovery happens in isolation. But most of the time, what we actually need isn’t more time in our heads. It’s a way out of them.

That’s what the dance floor does. It short-circuits the loop.

There’s actual science behind this. Dancing reduces cortisol and improves brain function. And house music—in that 120–130 BPM range—hits a kind of neurological sweet spot where your body syncs up and everything starts to feel a little lighter.

But the real magic isn’t just chemical. It’s collective.

And unfortunately, we’re doing less of this. We’ve replaced dance floors with Discord and movement with observation. We stand around. We check our phones. We hover at the edge of the experience instead of stepping into it. And then we wonder why we feel disconnected.

I keep coming back to this thought: You can’t download the feeling of being alive. You have to go where it is. And more often than not, it’s somewhere loud, slightly inconvenient, and full of other people who decided to show up too.

Real life requires effort. You have to get dressed, leave your house, and walk into a room where you don’t know exactly how the night will go. The friction is the point.

This week on the pod, we talked to nightlife producer Luke Nero about what it takes to get a room to come alive. What stayed with us wasn’t just that Luke knows how to throw a damn good party. It was the reminder that spaces like that matter. Not just because they’re fun, but because they give us access to something we’re quietly losing: unstructured, collective joy.

We have to get it back!

So here’s your challenge for the weekend: go out. Let the music wash over you. DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE. And for god sake, do not film other people dancing. Then, at some point, without even realizing it, you’ll stop thinking. You’ll start moving.

And you might just find that’s where you find yourself.

LA friends: you can find us on the dance floor at Mr. Black, this Friday, April 24 at Zouk. We hope to see you there!

There’s a moment during change that no one really prepares you for.

It’s not the decision itself. That part can feel clear, even energizing. You know something isn’t right anymore. You know you want more for yourself. So, you take the leap.

It’s what comes after. The part where you’ve left something behind—a relationship, a job, a way of being—but you haven’t quite arrived anywhere new yet.

We kept coming back to this idea in our conversation this week. Alex described it as leaving an island you’ve known forever, somewhere you know how to exist. But at some point, you realize it’s not big enough for you anymore.

So you start swimming toward something else.

Somewhere in the middle, it gets hard. The water isn’t calm. You’re far enough from the old island that you can’t go back, but not close enough to the new one to feel steady. So you look behind you and wonder if you made the wrong choice.

This is where a lot of people turn back. Not because you made a mistake, but because the middle feels uncertain. It comes with grief. Grief for what was and grief for who you were in it. It feels easier to go back. Or to rewrite the story of why you were leaving in the first place.

But what if you’re just in the middle?

The discomfort of the in-between isn’t a sign you made the wrong choice. It’s part of making the right one. There’s no going back to who you were. The only way is forward. Not with certainty, but with trust. Trust that even if you can’t see where you’re going yet, you know why you left.

And for now, that’s enough. Because if you keep swimming, something shifts. The water steadies. The next version of your life starts to come into view. But you only get there if you don’t turn around.

Keep swimming!

This week on the pod, we sat down with our friend Carl Fudge, founder and CEO of Presentation Mode, a narrative and strategy design studio helping founders tell their most important stories.

You might be thinking, “that sounds like the work of a creative person.” And you would be right. Yet Carl doesn’t tend to think of himself that way. He has an MBA. His path doesn’t fit the archetype. And he’d never want to claim the label if it wasn’t deserved.

Carl built a company. He shapes ideas into vision. He solves problems in ways that require imagination, taste, and perspective. He creates. So shouldn’t that qualify him as a creative person? Of course.

Yet, so many people feel this way about themselves. Like they’re not allowed to own their creativity if they didn’t go to art school. Which, of course, is wildly untrue—not to mention, limiting.

When we said that to him, he laughed. Probably because it’s funny when the truth is so obvious to other people. In that moment, we were his mirrors. Us seeing him as a creative person helped him to see it, too.

Most of us aren’t short on evidence of our strengths. We’re just not great at accessing it. Usually because we’re too busy fixating on the one thing that didn’t land. We are notoriously inaccurate storytellers of ourselves.

Carl shared that he keeps an “encouragement box” (a Notion) of kind words, feedback, and moments where something resonated with his clients. It’s not to inflate anything, but to stay honest. To have something to return to when his internal narrative drifts.

We should all start doing this right now!

It’s an excellent tool for telling a better story about what you’re capable of. And maybe that’s the work: to get more honest. To look at the evidence, not just the doubt. And to let yourself be seen a little more clearly.

Our friend Lauren Macrino is a lot of things: a founder, a mom, a competitive cyclist, and a designer with incredible taste. She loves metal music and old cars, and also finds deep satisfaction in toggling numbers in a spreadsheet. She doesn’t fit cleanly into one box. And thank goodness.

Even though that’s what the world rewards, right? We’re told to pick a lane. Be known for one thing. Make it easy for people to understand you. Especially if you’re building something.

When Lauren was creating Musewash, she made a very intentional choice to build a laundry brand that was elevated and specific. It’s beautifully designed, smells amazing, and its uniquely powerful formula is good for the planet. It has a clear point of view, but it’s not her whole personality.

And what’s interesting is that decision didn’t make her feel smaller. It made her life bigger.

She didn’t have to collapse all of who she is into her work. She could let the brand be one expression of her, not the container for all of it. Which meant she could still ride her bike, still be a mom, still love the wild things that make her her.

There’s a quiet pressure right now to be easily defined. Social media especially has a way of turning people into characters. You’re the wellness person. The career person. The creative. The founder. And once you pick one, it can feel like you have to keep performing it.

But, obviously, most people aren’t one thing. They’re a collection of interests, instincts, and contradictions. You can be deeply disciplined and wildly free. You can love structure and crave spontaneity. You can build something serious and still not take yourself too seriously. None of that needs to be resolved.

What Lauren reminded us is that your life doesn’t have to be perfectly packaged. In fact, it shouldn’t be. The parts of you that don’t neatly match are often the most alive.

There’s also a freedom in letting your work be just one part of who you are. It doesn’t have to hold everything and it doesn’t have to explain you completely. It can simply be the thing you’re good at, that supports the rest of your life.

Then the rest of you just gets to exist, unbranded.

If you’ve been feeling the pressure to define yourself more clearly or smooth all your edges, don’t. Maybe the move is just to allow it. Follow what you’re actually drawn to and stop trying to make it all match.

You don’t have to be one thing. Become more yourself. That’s usually a lot more interesting.

There’s a quiet belief that many of us carry. It’s that somewhere out there is the right place, the right person, the right community. And when we find it, belonging will just…click.

Our conversation with Emily Race-Newmark on re-villaging reminded us that belonging isn’t something you find. It’s something you build.

We’ve gotten really good at building independent lives. It’s what we’re told to do, and what we’re so often rewarded for. We’ve learned how to optimize for efficiency, for mobility, for growth, but not always for rootedness or care. And we end up missing connection.

One of the ideas that stuck with us most is the myth of the “perfect place.” The belief that if something feels off—your city, your friendships, your community—it must mean there’s something better out there.

But villages aren’t built by people who are always searching for somewhere better. They’re built by people who choose a place, and then commit to staying. They’re the ones who decide, “this is where I’m going to invest my time and energy,” and they make it work.

That doesn’t mean settling. It means participating.

And it can start smaller than we think. We don’t need to overhaul our lives to begin building community. It can be as simple as:

• learning your neighbor’s name

• reaching out to someone without a specific reason

• inviting one person over instead of waiting for the “right” group

• becoming a regular somewhere (and noticing who else is)

Small, repeated actions signal we’re in this together.

It’s easy to slip into the mindset that community is something we’re welcomed into, rather than something we help create. But someone always goes first, sends the text, makes the plan, and keeps showing up.

Over time, that’s what builds something real.

Of course, it won’t be perfect. People will disappoint you. You won’t agree on everything. It might even feel easier, at times, to pull back and start over somewhere new. But what we’re starting to understand is that real belonging isn’t built on ease. It’s built on consistency, and sometimes on repair.

For us, this conversation felt like a shift. Less about asking, Where do I belong? And more about asking, What am I willing to build, right where I am?

Because the truth is, there is no perfect place. There are only people who decide to show up for each other—and in doing that, create something that feels like home.

If this resonates, tell us how you’re building community whenever you are. And if you’re in LA, invite us to join!

To go deeper into this conversation with Emily, tune in to this week’s episode of You Are The Prize. And check out Emily’s work on community-building at This Is How We Care.

That was one of the biggest questions at the heart of our conversation with Ginny Clarke. We started by talking about leadership in the most conventional sense, how few leaders are actually considered “good,” and how different the world might feel if more people led with love.

That is the world Ginny is pointing toward with her framework for Fifth Dimensional Leadership.

Ginny shared the moment she realized she could no longer be a deeply spiritual, soulful person at home and then show up at work pretending to be someone else entirely. That split had become too costly. So she stopped splitting. She integrated. She showed up whole. And, as often happens when someone moves with that kind of integrity, other people felt it. And they wanted to follow it.

That, to us, is one of the clearest definitions of leadership there is.

Her framework is built around five principles: Know Yourself, Speak Your Truth, Inspire Love, Expand Consciousness, and Activate Mastery.

1. Know Yourself

It sounds simple to “know yourself.” Like, who else could you know better? But it’s hard to separate ourselves from the roles we play and get honest about what is true underneath all of it. What do you want? What matters to you? What have you outgrown? What part of your life still reflects an old version of you?

We touched on this in the episode through a question that sounds simple but is actually enormous: What do you want? Not the next milestone. Not the logical next move. Not the thing you’ve been taught to chase. What do you want in a fuller, more sensory, more human way? Can you picture it? Can you feel it? Can you move toward it on purpose?

There’s real power in becoming deliberate.

2. Speak Your Truth

If knowing yourself is the inner work, speaking your truth is the external expression of it.

This is where self-awareness becomes visible. It’s where your inner and outer life start to match. And that matters because people can feel when someone is editing themselves into acceptability. They can also feel when someone is rooted enough to speak with clarity and conviction.

Speaking your truth does not mean performing honesty or saying something provocative for effect. It means being willing to stand inside your values, your perspective, and your lived experience without abandoning yourself to keep the peace or preserve an image.

This is what made Ginny’s story so powerful to us. She realized she couldn’t keep living as two different people, one inwardly expansive and deeply spiritual, the other outwardly flattened into whatever professionalism was supposed to look like. Speaking her truth was part of the integration. And once she did that, she became someone others could trust.

Because truth, when it is grounded and embodied, creates integrity. And integrity is magnetic.

3. Inspire Love

This is the principle that gives the whole framework its voltage.

We don’t live in a culture that treats love as a serious leadership tool. Fear, yes. Scarcity, yes. Control, definitely. But love is often dismissed as too soft, too idealistic. Which is exactly why this one feels so important.

Love, in this context, is not being nice. It’s not avoiding hard conversations. It’s not making everyone comfortable. It’s a way of leading that chooses trust over intimidation, compassion over ego, and connection over performance. It is a willingness to see yourself and other people as fully human.

What would change if more people led from that place? What would shift inside teams, organizations, families, communities?

We keep coming back to the fact that love is not the lesser choice. It’s the higher one.

4. Expand Consciousness

To expand consciousness is to become more aware of what’s driving you, what patterns you’re repeating, what systems you are operating inside, and what possibilities you can’t yet see because you’re still reacting from habit. It’s the move from autopilot to awareness.

That can sound lofty, but it’s actually just practical. It is noticing when fear is making your decisions for you. It’s catching yourself when you’re performing some version of yourself that isn’t quite true. It’s asking better questions and widening the lens.

One of the most energizing parts of our conversation was the reminder that leadership doesn’t live only in the C-suite. You don’t actually need formal authority to shape culture, build trust, or change the emotional temperature of a room. And you definitely don’t need a promotion to become more conscious.

5. Activate Mastery

Ginny’s version of mastery is much more alive than its typical definition.

It is not about reaching a fixed destination. It is about ascension. Your path. Your pace. Your growth. The choices you make, over and over, to return to yourself and move through the world with deeper intention.

The best part: No one else gets to define your mastery for you. No one is grading your evolution. No one can tell you what the right timeline is. This is not about external validation. It’s about your relationship to your own becoming.

And one of the clearest signs that you’re growing? Fear starts to loosen. Anxiety stops running the show. You stand more fully in your truth, your power, and your own inner authority. Not because you’ve finally become flawless. But because you are more practiced at being fully yourself.

A Spiral, Not a Summit

These five principles aren’t a ladder you climb once and conquer. They’re a spiral. You revisit them. You return to them. You meet the same lesson from a different level of awareness. You keep becoming.

So much of modern leadership language is obsessed with certainty and speed. But this framework makes room for something more human. It asks us to wake up, bring our whole selves to work, and build a world where leadership starts with love.

And maybe that’s the real invitation here. Not to become someone else’s idea of a great leader, but to become more fully ourselves.

To listen to the full episode, visit https://www.studio-stab.com/youaretheprizepod
For more on Ginny’s work and Fifth Dimensional Leadership, visit her website at https://www.ginnyclarke.com